The Weekly World News was always the best and they did not disappoint with this macabre article from December 2004 announcing that the United Nations was busily canceling Christmas after Santa’s body was found frozen, floating in a block of ice.
Children are devastated as the news reaches them. Damn! That’s dark stuff!
As it turns out, this was good news, according to psychologists. It will help break the kids from their greed. See the whole article in the Google archive.
I don’t know what happened after. Was this all a case of mistaken identity? Was there a cover-up, and Santa has been replaced by an impostor, run by the government, or the toy corporations?
Let us all take a moment to remember. We miss you, Santa.